Evolutionary Choices

October 8, 2012.

Daily, I remind people to remember that their unique soul purpose is an evolutionary obligation. I know that sounds serious. Our soul depends on each of us to create experiences and expressions that are in alignment with agreements we have made for its continued evolution.

I remind people of their essence, their soul purpose, which I sometimes describe as the by-laws of their Being. I assist people to awaken to their magnificence. Sometimes I remind healers-in-hiding, or writers-in-hiding, or artists-in-hiding that they have a soul agreement to express their gifts and competencies in this lifetime. In addition, I might remind someone who is dying to transform regrets in order to experience more freedom and peace before they surrender to death. Other times, I point out how a past lifetime theme that has not been integrated but continues to reside in a person’s energy field robs their host of energy and free will this lifetime. Yesterday I reminded a person who struggled to decide whether to commit to her marriage or divorce that from a soul perspective her choice did not matter. What mattered was to be truthful, clear and clean.

Assisting others to peel away their social masks, cultural and family conditioning is easier than being aware of my own defenses and shadow. One of the reasons I committed to a four-week residential retreat was to deepen into my own form of creative self-expression, which is one of my evolutionary obligations.

I made a bold commitment to silence and learning more about potting and sculpting. In addition, I planned to befriend my instincts and sink more deeply into my physical body. I felt both scared and in touch with a sense of the sacred in the weeks and days before I embarked on my solitary journey.

Access to Internet and telephone were limited. No newspapers, television, or other electronics existed. Eight days into my mostly silent artist’s retreat, a friend discovered my whereabouts and called to announce she was dying. The aggressive cancer that was supposedly decimated during radiation returned and was galloping throughout her debilitated body.

She was scared. Since she was an only child and both her parents were dead, she wanted me to be with her. We were friends for 63 years and she knew I had served as a midwife to people who had cradled death.

I have a well-earned reputation for being a loyal and responsible woman. Like many women, I also have a history of over-giving and over-achieving. Compassion fatigue has claimed me more than I care to count in this lifetime.

Grounded in my heart as well as my body and surrounded by ancient trees and a clear, starry sky, I paused before I breathed into my heart and inwardly asked if I had a spiritual responsibility to be with my friend at this time.

The heart-centered evolutionary response was instant. My guidance was to remain on retreat for the next twenty-two days. As I continued to breathe into my heart’s truth, I acknowledged that I knew how to energetically support Darlena long-distance. I prayed for her to regain her clarity about how she wished to die. I prayed for a merciful and peaceful death.

Sometimes evolutionary choices are hard. I struggled with being selfish and then reminded myself that energetic support counts. I called her and then returned to my clay and stone and practiced being creatively generous to myself.

Then I engaged in positive self-talk to counteract the chiding inner voice that accused me of not being a good enough friend. I also reminded myself that I would be more present for her after three more weeks of solitude. My intuition said she would live for another six or seven weeks.

Trusting my intuition felt huge. Being generous to my deepening creative process as my friend prepared to die felt bizarre and right. Letting go of what I ought to do in favor of listening and following evolutionary guidance freed me to be honest. When I understood that honoring the timing of my own inner journey was an evolutionary choice, I realized I could be present for myself and also present for others.